Because I'm Mad Sexy Cool

Love is beautiful to start with….

This gonna be a wordy post I promise. There were too many changes in my life that I still find it a tad too overwhelming. I’m attached now… I’m happy and sad. That’s what you get in a relationship isn’t it?

Someone filled up that emptiness in my heart. Whenever you see couples holding hands and displaying public affection you start hurling words because you feel uncomfortable. But deep down you are just envy….

I have never been treated right. I’m not gaining sympathy because I hell doesn’t deserve it. I decided to pen down my past relationship to mark an ending of the nightmares & the start of something new…

Yes, I have an ex-boyfriend( i thought he’s mine) that we are together for at least 2 years. There wasn’t a date for us … things just happen as it is. I remembered vividly a day when I was out to party with my girlfriends and I happen to bump into a bunch of seniors who knew my bf back then. So i held a casual conversation hoping to bump into him. Never did i knew that they will reveal something so horrendous to me. I’m thankful to them. He was actually attached to a girl for 5 years….

Betrayal. Lost. Insanely upset. That’s how I felt at the moment….and of course I broke down sooo hard that I quarrelled with my parents. No one exactly knew what I went through… including my parents. I don’t want to be pitied, I don’t want to make others worry because I have always been a strong girl.

We trash it out with the company of my girlfriend. I love him so much that it hurts me to let him go. Nothing can be compared to the thought of loosing him. I’ll rather suffer. So I take it down… He promise he will leave her for me.(wishful thoughts) That did happen… but after few months later when his girlfriend realised. I was shivering I was so afraid at that point of time when he broke the news to me he is single. I should be happy that he’s finally mine. But none of those feelings I experience. I knew I did the wrong thing. I never like loosing so at the expense of others I held on to him. I don’t want to give myself a chance for explanation on what I did. I knew I did wrong and I am apologetic to the girl.

So throughout those years Drama didn’t stopped. There were other girls other than just me. He cheated and I had to cover everything. I had to explain to his flings out there that nothing is going on between us. Pride pride pride… I lost everything.

The last blow was when a girl turned up at his place when I was about to go to his place to cook a meal for him on his birthday. I took the same lift as her. Immediately I recognised her. She was in his facebook list. Girls are so good at digging truth. We should be labelled as truth-digger. Not gold-digger. She smiled to me not knowing who am I. Of course she wouldn’t know it has always been an underground relationship. Still in shock, I called him and asked for explanation. I handled it maturely… I head to 8th floor instead of 10th floor ( his place). The girl waited and when she left I went over his place. Right after that when he was about to send me home, we met the girl outside his place. I was lost of words. I felt she was just like me… I shivered. I didn’t hate her, I cried for her…..

Throughout that year, of course his parents didn’t knew I existed. They prefer her, his 5 years gf. I can understand that. Hoping to be accepted. I baked a birthday cake for him and his mom. I screwed the cake up… and I bought a new cake for his mom. Of course the mom thought was the other girl who bought the cake…

There were times I was at his place helping him with his work and his sister came back. So I had to hurriedly leave but eventually bumping into her… Then again my pride was hurt.

All in all, I was so young back then. I asked myself what I did to deserve all this. I never blame him or others. Than myself. I nearly went crazy… Because i always had so high expectations on me…It’s tiring being me.

Now… We are friends. I forgave him… and I moved on.

I prayed hoping to meet a better one and yes God did hear me out. I’m always so blessed to be a God’s child.

My boyfriend is an awesome man. I always like grown up man, the older the better. But he changed my perspective. He is younger than me and I’m not hiding that fact. He did a lot of amazing things that no other guys will do.

In the midst of wooing me, when I was sick, he bought me medicine, insisted of bringing me to the doctor and even bought me porridge. It’s blend but I ate each mouth with thankfulness and gratitude. And there are so many other things I can brag about him. He will bring me out for meals ( I love food and we both enjoy eating), send me to school, motivate me to score well for my papers. He is like a best friend and a lover to me. I confide everything to him and I appreciate him for hearing me out.

Some of my girlfriends knew he is from a well-to-do family. Some picture me to be materialistic. That hurt me a lot. Then I would have this internal struggle… Am I like that? Do I really love him for that?

I didn’t have to explain that for he knew what kind of person I am.

He is the only one who is able to handle my mood swings and my ups and downs. He wouldn’t provide me with concrete advices but just doing what he is capable of - cheering me up and being there.

I have a heck care attitude. Always being so selfishly myself. But for him I changed. No one can control me on what I think is right or what I want to do. He is the only one I’m willing to change for acceptance.

He gave me a new perspective of love. I love how he would pamper me like a princess. I love how he assure me he won’t cheat. I love how he would spend quality time with me. I love how he shed tears when he knew I had to leave . I love how he would change just for me. I love how he would try his best to sing for me. I love that sincere him. that much.

Although young, he would dominate the relationship like he is older. Although well-to-do, he would not act like a spoiled brat. He would cook meals together with me and even do the dish-washing part. We would do almost everything together….

That’s a preamble… There’s more to come right?

and and and and I’m proud to have him and to be in a real REATIONSHIP with him!

Today marks the first month of our beautiful relationship. I want to SHOUT to the whole world - I LOVE HIM!